[abuse, domestic violence] Regarding Abuse Victims and Seeking Help

I have a few notes to make on this post before I head out:

Nothing brings out cruelty in otherwise kind people quicker than the scent of helplessness in an abuse victim.

Because “kind” people want to help.

And if you show weakness, if you’re not “strong”, if you aren’t a perfect victim who’s ready to lose everything and is capable of “independence”, then maybe this helpful, kind person can’t “fix” it/you.

And that makes THEM feel helpless. Weak. Like you.

And we all know what happens to people Like That.

We live in an abuse culture, and a victim-blaming culture.

Note: I was never as much of a raging misogynist as I was while I was in an abusive relationship. I wasn’t like Those Women. I had strength, agency, choices, right? I caused everything that had ever happened to me, because if not…if not…well. Everyone knows what Those People are like. right? They just keep coming back for more. We all know their fate.

An unsilent victim is a contagious disease, a harbinger of an unjust world, a Pandora’s Box of ugly truths like: bad things happen to people who don’t deserve it.

We must stamp them out, silence them, strangle the words in their throats before we have to see the parallels in our own lives, our own loved ones, to recognize the facilitation of our own abuse in the things and people that bring us joy.

And that is the trap we live in.