This man was being turned down and rejected from every job he applied for, despite being more than qualified for a lot of them. After four months, he realized that everyone he sent his resume to was assuming he was a woman because his first name was Kim. Once he added “Mr.” to it, he got an interview for the very next job he applied for. And the next one. And the one after that. In less than two weeks, he had a job with a considerably higher position than he had ever held before.
Please, tell me more about how gender-based job discrimination doesn’t exist.
"I had fortunately seen a number of CVs in my time. I was happy with the choice of style and layout, and the balance of detail versus brevity. I was particularly pleased with the decision I made to brand it with my name, with just enough bold positioning to make it instantly recognizable. And as I sat scouring every detail of that CV, a horrible truth slowly dawned on me. It was my name.
My first name is Kim. Technically it’s gender neutral, but my experience showed that most people’s default setting in the absence of any other clues is to assume Kim is a woman’s name. And nothing else on my CV identified me as male. At first I thought I was being a little paranoid but engineering, trades, sales and management were all definitely male dominated industries. So I pictured all the managers I had over the years and, forming an amalgam of them in my mind, I read through the document as I imagined they would have. It was like being hit on the head with a big sheet of unbreakable glass ceiling.
My choice to brand the CV with a bold positioning of my name actually seemed to scream that I was a woman. I could easily imagine many of the people I had worked for discarding the document without reading further. If they did read further, the next thing they saw (as politeness declared at the time) was a little personal information, and that declared that I was married with kids. I had put this in because I knew many employers would see it as showing stability, but when I viewed it through the skewed view of middle-aged men who thought I was a woman, I could see it was just further damning my cause. I doubt if many of the managers I had known would have made it to the second page.”
The bolded is 100% accurate, too. For a man, being married with kids makes him more employable, because it’s thought that a family is good motivation for him to work hard and stay in a job. For a woman, you are encouraged to keep that off your resume and not mention it in interviews. It’s absolutely seen a strike against your favor, because everyone anticipates it’s going to be the mom who’ll stay home with the kids if they’re sick… and you might even have the audacity to get pregnant again while employed.
one of the most hurtful things to say to an autistic person in the midst of being excited over something or info-dumping is
because you’re essentially saying that their feelings don’t matter, they don’t matter
if you don’t want to hear at least be fucking nicer about it because some of the things we get excited over are important to us and our well-being
Unless the autistic person in question is a white guy at your D&D group full of other autistic people who are not white guys and he decides to start quoting Blazing Saddles in the middle of your campaign. Just because movies are someone’s special interest and they’re infodumping about it doesn’t mean white guys dropping n-bombs and going on rants about what is and isn’t racism in my house will EVER be acceptable.
Or one of the students who is a 50-something year old white guy at your job in the disability office computer lab starts infodumping about his Repub-libertarian “views” on misogyny, violence, police, and race in a room filled with women of color and young black men specifically and going on about “thuggish” behavior and some other choice turd nuggets regarding how Black people are just “more likely” to commit crimes than white people.
Or a huge argument erupts in a hallway between a disabled transgender woman of color and someone whose special interest is Christianity/religion because the she didn’t fucking appreciate being told she was going to hell and needed to embrace Jesus.
Here’s the thing. I’m an autistic person who is used to being in large groups of other autistic people, physically disabled people, mentally ill people, and developmentally and/or learning disabled people. And one of my biggest problems has always been the perpetuation of oppressive structures and social violence against the multiply marginalized within the community.
Sometimes in groups, everyone is disabled, everyone is upset, and everyone’s feelings matter. Sometimes the most important thing is getting someone to STOP, immediately, before they cause any more harm than they already have. I haven’t ever used the words “nobody cares”, but I’m sure as hell not polite about it. Because sure, that person’s feelings matter, but so do everyone else’s.
While a lot of the time, autistic people and infodumping are pretty harmless, there are other times when we need to just shut up. My autism includes hyperlexia, and I KNOW for a fact there have been times when my rants were unnecessary, irrelevant, and harmful. I’ve said as much before and I’ll say so as many times as necessary, because being autistic doesn’t mean you’re incapable of learning to be considerate.
This isn’t about policing autistic people’s communication style or punishing for poor word choices. This is about respecting boundaries that have been made clear to you by other people, and communicating openly, honestly, and sometimes, as bluntly as possible to reduce confusion. Special interests aren’t sacred, especially when they’re causing direct harm to other people, especially when those people are also disabled.
For some reason, this is still considered somehow “controversial” in some autistic communities. Autistic people are still accountable for what we say, by individualized standards. And pretending like we’re not is more ableist than holding us accountable.
a guy walked into the board room and said
"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"
and i just stared at him and coldly said
"i am the regional reports manager"
we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life
…the woman who posted this apparently had to take her blog down because she got hate for it. Can I cancel the internet?
Seriously?!?! Man FUCK the internet.
1. RED LIPSTICK. THATS NOT THE COLOR LIPS ARE!!! THEY SHOULD BE PINK LIKE A VUVLVA, WHICH I LIKE, I’M A HETEROSEXUAL MAN. I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL.
2. PANTS THATS PANTS TOO TIGHT!!! I LIKE ONLY SILK GOWNS WOVEN WITH REAL DIAMONDS WORN OVER PANNIER TOO BROAD TO ALLOW YOU TO PASS THROUGH DOORWAYS LESS THAN SIX FEET IN WIDTH. THIS SHOWS A MAN YOU CAN AFFORD TO KEEP HIM IN THE FAIRY TALE SPLENDOR HES ALWAYS DREAMED OF RETIRING IN.
3. A HAT WHICH MAN DONT WANT ON THERE!!!! DO YOU HAVE TOO MSANY EYES? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?? PLEASE DO NOT DECEIVE ME, LADIES, I AM VERY YOUNG, I AM SOFT
4. CENTIPEDES, PLEASR STOP POURING CENTIPEDES AND SCORPIONS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND EYES WHEN YOU SPEAK ARCANE HELL-TONGUES TO ME WHEN YOU VISIT MY BEDSIDE IN THE DEAD OF THE MOONLESS NIGHT
One manager at the apartment complex where I worked while in college told me, repeatedly, that she knew I was “Okay” because my little Nissan was clean. That I had worn a Jones of New York suit to the interview really sealed the deal. She could call the suit by name because she asked me about the label in the interview. Another hiring manager at my first professional job looked me up and down in the waiting room, cataloging my outfit, and later told me that she had decided I was too classy to be on the call center floor. I was hired as a trainer instead. The difference meant no shift work, greater prestige, better pay and a baseline salary for all my future employment.
I have about a half dozen other stories like this. What is remarkable is not that this happened. There is empirical evidence that women and people of color are judged by appearances differently and more harshly than are white men. What is remarkable is that these gatekeepers told me the story. They wanted me to know how I had properly signaled that I was not a typical black or a typical woman, two identities that in combination are almost always conflated with being poor."
More snippets from this article about why people in poverty buy expensive products that they “can’t afford”. When it comes to upward mobility and standards of living, being able to own and wear status markers makes a HUGE difference.